What The Sims‘ workaholic lifestyle can teach us about burnout
Hi there,
I love playing The Sims. For me, it‘s fun to navigate my characters through this world of endless possibilities, often following storylines that I partly make up in my head, partly leave up to the game‘s auto-play.
For one particular family, I played an aspiring professor and her scientist husband. They met in college, fell in love, had two adorable children together. My professor was ambitious, she wanted to have a career, loved her job, and worked hard. So hard, that after some time, she took on the workaholic lifestyle.
Now, “lifestyles” are a gameplay mechanic where certain actions of your Sims (your characters) lead to them getting a lifestyle, or habits so to speak, which in turn then add moods (“moodlets”) to your Sims if they do something that fits or opposes their lifestyle. As for the workaholic: you guessed it, yep. They not only love working, they need to work. If they don‘t, they get work withdrawals and become tense. Which basically means they‘re in a bad mood.
As for my professor, their little family was about to celebrate their first Christmas together. On in-game holidays, Sims don‘t go to work. Usually. The little toddlers hadn‘t even opened their presents yet when my professor autonomously walked out the door to go working. She had work withdrawals and needed her fix.
Now, I wish I could pretend this scenario was something completely absurd that would never happen to me. But one Christmas day in 2009, I sat at my kitchen table over lunch, about to talk to my loved ones. I got a call from my new boss that I had started working for three weeks earlier. He needed something. Something data. I can‘t even remember now, but back then it seemed to be extremely important. So I got my laptop, and I got the data. And then I got some more work done. After all, the way he so casually called me on December 26th seemed to indicate it was nothing less than expected. Then I went to bed. Christmas was over. Not even a year later I left the company with a burnout so severe I stayed in bed for weeks and weeks. Work had broken me. Or better: My “workaholic” lifestyle had broken me.
Ever since then, I have come to terms with myself. Through lots of time spent healing and reflecting, I have learned that: 1) I am ambitious and a hard worker, and I will always be this kind of person, 2) I need rest just as much as I need challenging work, and 3) if a workplace can‘t accommodate my needed balance, it‘s not for me.
What this means in practice (and yes, really, practice, as I‘m still practicing this, 13 years later) is that I manage expectations even before I start the job. During interviews, I have made it a conscious decision to ask explicitly about how managers ensure a healthy work environment with boundaries, and how they enforce them. I often tell the people who I interview for that boundaries are important to me, that I had a burnout in my mid 20s, and that while I am productive and efficient (and loyal and dedicated and bunch of other amazing qualities that one should mention in their interviews), I will not continuously crunch as a habit.
At the same time, when hiring for jobs myself, I ask candidates for leadership positions how they plan to support their reports with a healthy work-life balance. I expect a level of maturity from future leaders. Example: Certainly, people put in some extra hours in their first weeks to make a good impression, and sometimes you work towards an event or deadline and you stay late to finish it. But no one loves working overtime regularly. Those who work overtime every week or even daily (the ones you‘d call a “workaholic”), usually need support and a gentle redirection, as they‘re likely to be overwhelmed, frustrated, desperate, or other things that drive one to prioritize work over free time. If you’re not aware of that, I need to know before I hire you as a leader.
So far, all of these little changes have worked out well. I‘ve cleared potential employers off my list in the past and I’m trying to bring up the topic of work-life-balance frequently as a people manager. I truly believe there is no such thing as a “workaholic”, just people who are scrambling for (self-)control (and I say that as a very ambitious person who loves working!). But still, every once in a while I realize I get tense (like my Sims) and I know I need a break.
And for my game? Well, luckily The Sims has a mechanic where you can send your character to a lifestyle coaching. One session and they drop their habits. After my professor tried to leave yet again during a holiday or birthday or Sunday to go to work, I let the game brainwash her back to reality. At first I didn’t know what to do with her, unlike her husband she didn’t even have a hobby. She, after all, never had had the time. But when I realized that with less time for work she was not lacking something, but instead could expand her identity to become a collector, or painter, or gardener, I got excited about all the possibilities. Her family is still one of my favorite playthroughs.
Oh. She still had a career by the way.
Write to you soon,
I am sorry that you had to experience a burn out, and I absolutely agree that employers and superiors have to take measures to avoid these situations. In Germany we typically have a 40 hours contract, and staying within the 40 hours is regarded as a healthy work life balance. But that's what I am not convinced about. For myself, I feel very comfortable working 45 hours in average. I understand that I can't expect that from others.
My point is that, as a superior, you cannot boil the problem down to monitoring the hours your people work, and sometimes, people feel good working a couple of hours more. You need to watch other signals, and you may want to explicitly state that if an unexpected delay is no big deal.